Ghiome Leigh Kolbe, My best friend, and partner for life! I could not have asked for a better person to do this life with. Yes, we have had our challenges but I believe they have only made us stronger and even greater friends! I have so much respect for you and I am more in love with you than I ever have been.
I’ve realized marriage in its true sense begins long after the guests have finished the last glass of champagne. Real marriage comes long after the wedding, it starts in the midst of actual day-to-day living. Real marriage isn’t all magical fairyland of roses. It’s difficult where, just when you think you’ve made it, life tosses you another obstacle. In five years of marriage, here’s what I’ve learned, good and bad:
- Scheduling time to focus on each other:
That might seem like a no-brainer when you first get married and you think to yourself, how could you ever get to that point when you wouldn’t have time for each other but once real life kicks in, and you’re drowning in to-do lists, demands at work, and pressures of adult life, the story changes. G and myself don’t get it right all the time but we really try make time every evening just to hang out watch a movie, chat about our days and to be honest some days we don’t but that’s why it is important to always make each other a priority. Don’t take the small moments for granted, trust me it will not be a fun moment when you look at your spouse one day and wonder who is that stranger living with me.
- Marriage changes you, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing:
I am more of a dreamer in our marriage and Ghiome is the more practical level headed one should I say. I am very relaxed, chilled and not so tidy but Ghiome is super tidy, and likes to have things planned. One night we were chatting in the room and We both came to the conclusion that over the years of us being together that maybe just maybe we are so different so that the other can draw out of the other one what the other has not yet grasped. Often we can think to ourselves that our partners are growing apart from us but if we choose to see it in a way that is positive we might notice that God puts people in our lives not just for our enjoyment but also to challenge us and encourage us to live bigger than our own bubble of experience. Marriage does that. Your marriage partner is just that- your partner and not your enemy. That is why it is so important to spend time together so that we can celebrate each others differences and not fight against them. Marriage is guaranteed to change you along the way but choose to use the good and bad times to grow your marriage instead of seeing it as a defeat.
3: You learn to speak up:
There are going to be times in your marriage where you will think to yourself, did I marry the right person. To some, this may come as a surprise but it happens a lot. All I want to say to those who are engaged or married if you ever have felt this way please do not hate yourself or feel ashamed, but what I can say is that you need to take that thought captive and surrender it to Jesus and even though this may be hard you NEED to tell your spouse what it is that you are thinking. Holding things in NEVER EVER brings out something good. We need to not be to afraid of hurting our spouse’s feelings. If there is an issue that needs to be addressed, address it sooner rather than later. Having a fight is better than it resulting in a failed marriage 10 years later because you kept your thoughts to yourself.
4: fight for your marriage and guard your marriage:
This is something I can not stress enough. The enemy is here to kill and destroy the family unit. He wants nothing more than to divide you and your partner. People and situations will come along the path who do not see the value in marriage or they are just selfish and can not see past their own needs. When that happens it says in the bible to flee/ run away from evil, run away from anything that does not want to pour life into your marriage. Run away from people that want to pour fuel on the fire. The best thing you can do as a couple is get rid of whatever it is that brings disunity between you two, It could look different for everyone but if you and your spouse agree from the beginning that your marriage takes preference above all then do whatever it is you can to fight and to stay strong together. No “friend” situation or thought is worth your marriage ending.
5: You cant be married and be happy without Jesus.
Marriage these days is not regarded as a thing to be respected really. People are getting divorced left right and center. Now I am not judging at all I come from a broken home and I know that everyone’s story is different and everyone has their own reasons. That is by no means my place to give an opinion on that but I can tell you my experience. Without being super spiritual I really believe without a shadow of a doubt that a HAPPY marriage won’t stay happy and whole without Jesus at the center. Sounds so easy right, I mean especially if you are a Christian and this is what you believe. It seems like it would be such a simple thing to do. In my life WOW, I have found this to be such a hard thing. Sometimes you feel like your marriage is under attack because so many challenges come your way that you forget to include God. It’s only when things are going so bad that they are falling apart that we cry out to God to save us. If there is only one thing you remember me say today let it be this….. Include God in every part of your life, small and big decisions and include God in your marriage because God is the one who designed marriage so it makes sense that it simply just does not make sense without him.
These are only a few things that I am choosing to share. Marriage is sacred and it’s only been 5 years but we have been through a heck of a lot so I want to put the invite out there. If you have any other questions you want to ask Please feel free DM me on Instagram and I would be more than happy to carry on the conversation. If you do not follow me my instagram is @tayloredheartblog