Have you ever been so hard on yourself that you never allowed yourself room to fail? I grew up thinking that way. From a very young age I felt like I was never good enough, even if I put my best foot forward it simply was short of what was expected. Can you imagine having that kind of pressure at the age of 5 years old?
Wether it was my home environment, school or just life around me – even back then when social media didn’t really exist and a land line telephone was how you got hold of your loved ones, the world still screamed out at me ‘ why bother trying? you always do and you never get it right ‘ When you are young you are resilient and fearless, that was me until about 4 or 5 when I got curious and wanted to try things, like cutting my hair, putting on makeup, taking up dance lessons even fly on a magic carpet ( If Aladdin could do it, why couldn’t I ? ) needless to say not all those things worked out for me.
It was at that young age that I realized I do not like failing but not because I failed but because of how others made me feel when I did. I was under the impression that nobody fails, clearly it was just me because then why would my dad or my teachers, even friends ridicule me for always getting things wrong. I thought to myself, they must always get it right for them to have this expectation of me to get things right the first time, all the time.
Fast forward to about 20 years later, I was sitting in church where I was doing an internship program and the lady that was speaking to us had a box with words written on tiny pieces of paper. The task was for us to grab a word out of that box and ask God how it applies to our own lives. As people down my row were taking their words I saw what some of them said words like PROMISE, LOVED, GRACE, CHOSEN, WORSHIP etc….. so I got hopeful for what mine would be but to my dismay I got the word MYSTERY! Seriously! I thought to myself, couldn’t I have gotten something nice like loved or chosen? Little did I realize how big a role that word would play in my life for the years to come. In fact it is still a word I am getting revelation on.
HOW THE WORD MYSTERY KILLED THAT SILENT EXPECTATION: