When I was 10 years old I lost my dad to cancer. He had been an alcoholic since the day I remember,my childhood was filled with fights screaming and me walking home because he would forget to pick me up and my mom could never drive. In 2005 he passed away from cancer. The years after that flew by, still not easy as my mom also dealt with lots of pain in her heart as well. My constant effort to please her made me want to literally do any and everything. In 2013 I started modeling and I would never forget the first “big” job I got in a magazine. She could not stop talking and showing people, it gave me the sense of approval and to this day it’s probably one of the most special moments I have.
The same year my mom got diagnose with Cancer , after years of never ever being sick not drinking or smoking and living the most healthy life. It was shocking news that made us rethink everything in life. The two years after that was filled with hospital trips, dropping out of university staying home on Friday and Saturdays cause I felt to bad to leave her and losing myself in the process. I sometimes would feel embarrass and then ashamed about how my heart is feeling. 7 March 2015 she got healed not in this world but in heaven, my mom left this earth without me ever hearing that she loved me cause she never said it. I so know in my heart she did , but I was heartbroken and shattered I could not fathom the idea that I still had so many questions that were unanswered.
I would think about who is going to walk me down the aisle, who am I going to ask for parent advice when I one day have my own kids because my mom was the smartest person I knew. Who can I just call to ask something when I really need an answer. I spent days crying but in the midst of it all God met me every time. Every morning I would put on worship music and just sing, I didn’t want to allow myself to drift away because people expect that. In the bible God says draw near to me and I will draw near to you.
A year later and my life is completely changed. So many often ask how do I do it? My answer is God. He is beyond every desire I still have and he changed my heart. I now study teaching and my dreams are to teach in Uganda and all across the world wherever God sends me, I have a passion within me that no man will ever put out, to proclaim the name of Jesus across the world.
This is my story, yes with some bad chapters in it, but I decide how to end it and it’s going to end beautiful.