Life is at a stand still and you have come to a cross roads in your life where you need to decide whether what you are doing in life is worth all the hard work and effort. I do not know if it is just me but this year I found myself at that cross roads more times than I would have liked. I am Turning 30 this month and it has made me think about things more intensely than I did when I was 25.
At 25 I had just gotten married, me and my husband were starting a life together. That year ( 2013 ) I was also doing a creative internship at my church. I Had many amazing friends and life was basically awesome. I had nothing to complain about. Me being me, I had all my dreams and goals planned and written in my journal. I was excited for the future and ready for the challenges ahead. My list consisted of big and small things like starting a family, flourishing in my friendships, crafting my skills in various passions I have. This list goes on for a while and some I am not ready to share quite yet.
However the two things that I really held dear to my heart was that I wanted to start a family and really invest in my friendships. I am sad to say that the family part is still a prayer request that I am trusting God for and in faith, I believe I will have many little Kolbes running around the house in the near future. I also could have never imagined that half the friends I had at my wedding are not close with us anymore, it is a sad reality that I have had to face in knowing that I had a hand in many of those failed friendships. Nobody likes to admit that things could be their fault but if there is anything marriage has taught me its that being stubborn and having pride only causes more harm than anything.
4 and a half years later I was sitting having my quite time thinking about my many un answered prayers, crushed dreams and dreams yet to come to pass basically feeling sorry for myself. I thought that even though many amazing things have happened at the same time nothing that I had hoped or dreamed for has happened yet.
In the weeks and months after that moment God began to show me and talk to me through many different people and situations and this is what he said to me:
1: I am working on your behalf
God knows what we want and what we need. He also knows the perfect timing which can sometimes be hard for us to grasp when we have our own time line. God is for us and not against us, even though sometimes it seems as though God knows what we need but then just with holds it from us. Maybe what we think we need is simply what we want and God is with holding it from us because he has something better.
2: Do not strive, live in peace
Sometimes when things are not going the way we planned, we get in the way of what God is trying to do. We strive instead of just trusting that his promises for our lives will come to pass and it really does not matter what your day job is, what you are studying, whether you are married or single, the things God has called you to is not hinged on those things. He is bigger! That is just the truth and the sooner we can realize that, then that is when the living in peace will start to be the one thing you hold on to. True peace is knowing who the creator is and having faith that he has your back.
3: Obey me in the waiting
When you are in the storm its hard to see perspective and it is hard to do things God is asking you to do that do not make sense. There have been many times when God has asked me to do things I simply do not want to do. I have not always listened and then would wonder why life seems like such a struggle. It has only been that when I have obeyed God in the confusion and chaos that he has come through for me or given me clarity on a situation.
God does not ask us to obey him so that he can have control and power over us but he asks us to obey him because 1; Jesus Obeyed God and if you want to live like Jesus then you need to follow his example 2; God knows the blessing, favour, peace and honour that comes from it. Do you not want to live with those things in your present and future. I sure do!
Maybe just maybe your life is not at a stand still, maybe it just looks different to what you had imagined. Yes life is messy and yes bad things happen. Challenges knock us down BUT GOD is greater, he is higher than any other name and if you choose to stand on this name then it is not so much what happens along the journey but it is more about have you made the most of this thing called life that we have been given.
In my season of waiting, frustration, loss, sadness, feelings of inadequacy I am choosing to see Jesus through it all, wont you join me in doing the same? Remember you are not in this alone.