We often get caught in those awkward conversations with people we may not know that well. Sometimes the default thing we go to is asking random questions. They might be with good intentions but sometimes the very question we ask to try and avoid that awkward silence is the very question that might just make the awkwardness, more awkward !!!!It’s happened to me many times and I am pretty sure it has happened to you. Maybe you are the one getting asked the question but you could also be the one who has asked the question.
here are 5 questions or statements you should be cautious of asking or mentioning to people!
1: when are you getting married?
we need to remember that not everyone is in the same season as you or as the other people around them. Just because everyone might be getting married does not mean if you meet someone single you need to ask them when they are getting married. Let people be on their own journey. I find that a lot of the time people don’t even want to date because of the fear that as soon as they are dating, they are going to get asked the question.
“WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?”
2: when is it your turn to have babies
whether you knew it or not, this is actually quite a personal question. Unless you have a close relationship or friendship with this person, asking them when they are having babies is like asking “so when are you going to lose weight?” you would never ask that to someone because it’s rude and you don’t know what their journey is when it comes to them losing weight. It is the same with asking someone when are they are having babies. You don’t know what their journey has been. Maybe they have been trying to get pregnant for years and now by you asking that question it’s opening up a wound they are trying to heel. We just need to be mindful that it is not easy for everyone to have children, some people might have had miscarriages. Also maybe they just don’t want children right now or ever.
3: you are just like so and so ” insert famous person here “
My pet peeve is if someone says ” aaah wow Tami you sing just like ……… ( I won’t mention who ) or ” you are the next ( insert persons name ) Let people be who they are meant to be. We don’t have to compare ourselves or each other to anyone. It just leaves room for insecurity and unwanted feelings of inadequacy. As a worship leader in my church I am discovering who God has called me to be in my worship. It creates a spirit of underlying competitiveness with you ones self ( Now I feel pressured to sing like that all the time ) Let us be encouragers of each other in such a way that we are spurring people on to be a better “them” and not someone else.
4: we really should go for a coffee ( but have no intention of going )
Let’s be people of our word. Saying lets go for coffee has become as common as asking someone how they are but hoping they aren’t going to actually tell you how they are. It’s more of a greeting
ME: Hey how are you?
FRIEND: Fine thanks and you?
ME: Good thanks
Then you carry on with your conversation.
When it gets to the end of your quick convo with your friend you say to each other “aah we should really go for a coffee and catch up properly”
It never happens and it just becomes something you say to each other everytime you see each other.
Now I have been a culprit of this and I am sure you can testify to this too. lets challenge ourselves that if we says to someone ‘ lets go for coffee ‘ that we actually make the time to do it. It places value on that person!
5: why are you still single?
So let’s say you have been single for a very long time and you are fine with it but you keep getting asked the question of why are you still single because let us face it, other people are more bothered with the fact that you are single than you are.
Maybe you are the one asking that question….. I would like to make a bold statement. Being single is not a bad thing and some people prefer it. ( shock, Horror ) Let’s be sensitive with this question. by you asking that question you are basically saying that they need someone in their life. We need to be ok with being alone ( I mean a romantic relationship ) and we need to be ok with someone else being single.