We are constantly confronted with the way in which the world is developing and has developed over the last few years, perhaps lets say technology wise. This has created an even bigger opportunity for jealousy to take control over many different parts of our lives. Which means jealousy can be a daily issue we need to overcome.
Growing up, I never felt like a very attractive little girl, I actually took quite the opposite stance and was a tomboy – I know right- which gave me great comfort of just not having to try nor seem bothered. You know what the funny thing about our hearts is? That even though we change our surroundings, we don’t necessarily change whats happening in our hearts. So with this little tomboy appearance I’ve become soooo comfortable with, insecurity definitely started brewing. Entering the first few years of high school, I became aware that again in order to cope in this new environment, something needed to change, I needed to change.
You see this was the root of jealousy for me , the need we often have to change based on my surroundings which was a very unhealthy cycle. I always felt I never had what it takes for me to be this person that I saw others be. There was this specific person, I think I met at church during like 8th or 9th grade, and I’m telling you that I never wanted to be anybody more than I wanted to be her. She had it all, looks, clothing, lifestyle and man without being explicit about it, in my heart – which is the most important checkpoint – I was so envious that her life wasn’t mine. I never saw her often but social media is funny that way it allows us to be update without any physical contact, crazy right. Indirectly I was jealous, I had a jealous heart and this made my insecurity grow greater and to some extent not be happy for what she had but rather wanting that.
Reflecting back on these days, I definitely remember being that “possessive friend” I would be upset if anyone else was friends with my friend, Anybody ever feel that way or felt that way? It was actually not a good space for me. It took me a long time to come out of this place and learn the true meaning of friendship.
I can honestly say that I am in such a healthy place today. I am so happy with who I am, what I have achieved and the person I have become. God has been so faithful to me and never stops helping me check my heart and keep me the healthiest version of myself I can be. You see the the problem was never the people around me or the rise of technology ( many think instagram is the problem or youtube videos ), but rather the problem lies in our heart, the part that we often avoid cleaning up and rather try and fix the exterior. In reality the problem will always exist, it will still be there, jealousy will just incubate your spirit and heart and never go UNLESS you recognise and deal with it.
Proverbs 4v23 says it so beautifully
Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life.”
Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. It begins with knowing you have an unhealthy thought process. Awareness allows you to see that the stories in your mind are not true. In order to change what you imagine you first need to change what you are thinking about because what your mind dwells on, starts to become a reality to you even if it is a complete lie.
How can you overcome these unhealthy thoughts of jealousy and irrational thinking? These are a few things I have discovered on my journey.
1: Letting go of control and renewing your mind
Now that is easier said than done, right? Honestly though sometimes in life there are no shortcuts when it comes to changing a behavior. Often it means we need to deal with the problem head on. Often Renewing your mind means going against everything that your human nature would so easily give into.
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 in the bible
I learnt that for me personally if I give up control of always needing to know whats going on around me, who is saying what to whom? bla bla bla it makes me feel free and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Practically what I do when I start thinking an unhealthy thought about someone I just pray and I have a real convo with God ( he can handle your honesty ) I say God I know that I have this thought please help me to not believe it and to realize that what you have for my life is also amazing. Help me to be happy when others get what I think I deserve ( oops, did I just say that out loud ? ) just be real with God and when he sees your heart he will deal with it accordingly. don’t try to figure out the details. Be ok with the fact that you are not perfect and that in life you will fail. It is Gods heart to love you and mold you into who you truly can be!
2: Go deeper with yourself and with God
You need to get to a point that you want to change so badly you are willing to face this head on. For me that meant taking out my dusty journal that had been sitting on my book shelf for a while and writing down what makes me happy and what makes me sad. What are the things that trigger jealousy in my heart. There is power in writing something down, putting it on paper for your eyes to see. So often when you write something down your thoughts become clearer and your perspective becomes bigger.
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Eph 6:11
What I get from this scripture is that God has given us weapons to fight against what is going on inside of us. So it means he wants us to face the problem head on and not run away or pretend our problems don’t exist. Jealousy creeps in like a sneaky crook. You don’t realize that you are jealous until you realize that all you see around you is what you don’t have instead of being content with what you have been given in this life.
I hope that what you get from this post today is that life is a journey and that God will shine a light on what he thinks you need to change. Nothing stays hidden from God and the only reason he brings these things to light is because he wants you to experience the fullness of life and be everything you are meant to be. Don’t let jealousy rob you of living life to the full! It isn’t worth it and your life is definitely worth more than dwelling on what other have.
Ask God to show you today what he has blessed to with and learn to be grateful for the small things in life.