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Learn how to become less selfish

Posted on 0 5 m read 118 views

“Self-focus relationships lead to long-term challenges, mission focused relationships build long-term blessing”

Ps Phill Dooley

I want to be happy. I want others to be happy. However, balancing the two can be tough and one is probably going to get more attention than the other, eek. How do I choose? I think it’s simple, KEEP on doing what makes you come alive but do not remain oblivious to the women around you who lack the zest for life.

Sometimes it becomes so easy to be wrapped up in our own world and completely forget there is an ENTIRE world around us.


A world that doesn’t move in the same social circles that we do, one that lives so close to us, yet we are so far apart. One that does not have the things we do and a world that is suffering.

I totally get it, because this happens to me too. With the demands of life and the pressure to be successful and activities to plunge into, it becomes so clear as to why we tend to be self-focused; but don’t worry you are wired to love on others and oh how easy this will be when consciously choose to have an attitude of love!

Particularly as women, we were created with love, compassion and strength. We are capable of sowing into each


others lives and causing a ripple effect of goodness to pour out from one to another. (Read the book of Ruth in the bible – how she lives a selfless life and in return got blessed in abundance).

Now I’m not saying to drop all your work and work for a charity shop (unless that’s what you’re called for), but in your passion, whether it’s blogging, or being an accountant, there is always an opportunity to reach out of your position and pull up the hopeless and give them hope!!
Let’s be a nation designated to help those who are stuck in stagnation, lift up the powerless and turn around any seemingly hopeless situation.

Love Tatum optimized-img_3440

Being Selfish isn’t something that any of us would want to admit. Why would you want to come to terms with the fact that you don’t care about others as much as you care about yourself?!

Ok so then let me ask you these questions?

1: Do you enjoy social media (insta, snapchat, Facebook or mxit??? Just kidding)

2: Do you love going out, being with your friends?

3: Do you love getting home from a long day of work, kicking off your shoes, grabbing glass of wine and watching New Girl?

4: What about getting lost in your favourite book?

5: Or maybe you have started thinking about starting your own blog, so in all your spare time you are thinking about how you are going to make that great.
None of these things are bad in fact all of these things sound amazing and I am culprit of doing all of them on a regular basis.
A couple of days ago I was challenged with this statement, “Tami, you are actually selfish.” Harsh hey? I didn’t like that thought. I didn’t like that it had come into my mind.


The definition of ‘selfish’ is:

Lacking consideration for other people; concerned with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

I sat in my living room that morning toiling back and forth with this word, trying to fight it until I got to a point of just asking God if he could show me in what ways I am selfish. (This was not easy).

As a woman who reads the Bible and who tries my best to have a quiet time with God every day, God led me to this verse in Matthew 7: 13-14 which says: “Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.”

This really challenged me. If I want to live a wide spacious and open life, I need to actually be disciplined. Disciplined, in not just living for myself or for what makes me feel good in the moment, but for something bigger.
I am sure I can say for most of us that we want to live lives that impact others or make a difference, but what I came to realize is that living for God and others requires us to not take shortcuts and then still expect long lasting results. It requires us to put aside our SELFISH desires and actually help someone who may need it.

For example, last week my church held a day called “BE THE CHANGE DAY” where we go out into all parts of the nation and help the less fortunate. Such as: painting a school, giving food to the poor or making rescue packs for people who have been raped, etc.

I can honestly say I had such a great day knowing that I played a part in making someone’s life better or giving them hope in some small way. However, it takes discipline and a changed mindset to do that all the time. I want to be that type of person – someone who is part of the solution, someone who is being the change.


So how can you and I practically outwork this?

1: Instead of going on social media for 1 hour why don’t you halve that time and use the other half to do something for someone else. This could be sending someone an encouraging message or spending time with God.

2: Before you spend Saturday with your mates, try reading the Bible or listening to your favourite worship album – allowing God to speak into your heart.

3: Before you dig into that series marathon, what about watching a teaching or listening to a podcast? Actually putting God first, before your series.

4: Reading your favourite book is amazing but why don’t you try reading the Bible first before you get stuck into your book.

Basically what I am suggesting is instead of doing all your things first, do things for others before yourself.

This is a challenge for me but it is a challenge I am willing to accept. Who is with me?

I would love to know in the comments section what your thoughts are on this subject and how you think we can all get better at putting others first.


Tami’s outfit

Jeans: Mr Price



Hat: Mr Price

Button up top: Mr price

Tatums’s Outfit

Top: H&M

Jacket: thrift shop

Jeans: pnp Clothing

Shoes: Superga




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