These days we are all so busy all of the time!
If it’s not work, running errands, serving at church, blogging, taking pictures etc. then we are on social media checking our insta or going on snapchat to see what new face filters they have and hoping the one with the butterflies is still there haha
( hey girls? Isn’t that filter just everything and more! )
My point is that we keep ourselves so busy that when we do get around to doing nothing, I don’t know about you but sometimes I don’t feel as useful or important if I’m just at home lounging on the couch or reading a good book to unwind.
I mean it isn’t even about other people and what they think, it’s more trying to look inside myself and ask the question, do I only feel worthy when Im doing something, having a job, studying at uni? ( which are not bad things by the way ) or maybe its just being on the go all the time.
For the past couple of months I have been quite sick. It has been on and off but I haven’t felt healthy and so a heavy bout of flu, throat and ear infections have gotten the better of me. At first I didn’t want to believe I was getting sick so I just kept going – life stops for no one. So I carried on going to work, serving at church – as some of you might know I sing in my church’s worship team. Worship is my life; I love singing and a BIG part of me – without realizing it – finds my identity in it ( singing ).
I love serving my church and God so much and also from time to time – if I am just being honest – would get major FOMO if I wasn’t going to be on worship for that week. So guess what I did? I kept singing through my sickness, thinking yeah I’ll just be a big girl and serve through the pain but my voice was taking a huge tole and I lost my voice!
That forced me to take some time off of work, singing, blogging etc… I would just be at home in my own thoughts! Thinking why was I so scared to just rest? Why was it so hard to take a break? When I thought about it and got real with myself I realized that I was afraid that if singing got taken away ( what if my voice never came back ) that I would have no purpose anymore; my identity would be a bit dimmer. Who am I without my voice, who am I if I don’t ever blog again? You know what I mean? You have your things you are thinking right now, who would you be without them!
Do you wanna know the answer?
God dropped something inside my spirit that day I was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. In all my sadness reminded me that what I do has nothing to do with the person I am or my purpose on this earth. It comes down to who I am in him. He asked me again just like he has asked me many times before, Tami do you trust me? And of course I say yes every time. Then he proceeds to say… ” Then don’t put your identity in tasks, people or things! Those things are temporary but put everything you are in me! I will give you rest, purpose, identity, love, joy, peace and so much more! ”
Where you are right now, at this moment in your life, can have so many different outcomes, depending on how you perceive it to be. Personally, I have often found myself running from the present in hope of something better. Because let’s be real, running gets easy and oh how the world and all its innovations just makes it so appealing.
I realised that I have become a runner, running away from my own mind and thoughts and most importantly feelings and often allowing the many tasks I attempt to juggle define me. Therefore, I found this question particularly important to ask myself as I journey through life and have constant reality checks. Referring back to the previous owning it post, Just Own It we spoke about trends that are continuously changes, upgrading themselves and taking us through different seasons.
And then it hit me! If I let – lets say Instagram – determine my worth and define me, when the hype of Instagram fades and new app is..wait for it..wait for it… LIT! Then who I am? My identity will then be shaken and I will be vulnerable looking for a new direction to run to. This can become such an unhealthy cycle and result in not knowing who I am. This leads me to Jesus… His presence is enough. I can’t even begin to describe how much I need him, daily. I want to be able to be completely alone –no people, no social networks, no selfies – just me and Jesus and listening to him talk. Then being able to bundle up that conversation in my heart and when I do get the opportunity to be around humanity let his heart explode on every inch of their being. I desire to be able to operate in the fullness of the joy of the Lord in times when it seems impossible to be joyful; when nobody is giving me attention or telling me how great I am; when I have no money do fancy things to take fancy instagram photos just EVERY TIME.
My mantra for everything I do is to let it be defined by ME (for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks) rather than letting every single thing I do define me. Theres such a big difference between the two, the one plunges into something and people see our heart and are automatically inspired. Whereas, the other temporally covers up our insecurities and defy us from being confident in who we are.
I leave you with this simple phrase:
Define your every move and OWN IT!